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Chiang finally hit on a brilliant plan &
He tied a rope from the top of the apartment building and rappelled down the side, peering into
window after window until he finally stopped at the twelfth floor.
This was when a fifty-year-old woman, undressing in her apartment on the twelfth floor, saw the
most unusual sight: A naked man was dangling outside her window, carefully holding a rope with one
hand and taking care of business with the other.
She screamed. Chiang, in a panic, tried to quickly rappel back to the roof, where he had left his
clothes, but perhaps nervous from his unconsummated state, he slipped and fell.
Fortunately, he landed on the apartment entrance awning. He told the police he should have used a
telescope instead.
On High-Security Sex
A female terrorist doing time in Italy s maximum security prison was found to be pregnant by a
fellow terrorist.
An Italian government official commented, This sort of thing makes nonsense of our claim that
Italy s maximum security prisons are impregnable.
A prison official blamed the court system. We feel sure she was fructified while she was in the
dock.
On Hippos, Hapless
A pygmy hippopotamus at the San Francisco Zoo was bombing out when it came to mating. He had a
mate but he couldn t seem to figure out what to do with her.
According to a zoo official, Roly, the male, lived with his mate, Poly, since 1969. But all the
mating efforts he made were doomed to failure.
As the official explained: He d put it in her ear, he d put it under her arm. In twenty-six years he
never put it in the right spot.
On Hobbies, Shocking
A seventy-nine-year-old amateur radio operator apparently got more of a charge out of his hobby than
most people would have expected.
The sheriff s department of Zephyr Hills, Florida, found the man unconscious in his radio
workshop, suffering from what the officials politely termed accidental electrical shock.
More specifically, the man had what the cops called an unusual device attached to his penis and
connected to his radio transmitter by a voltage-controlling rheostat.
On Hogs, Horny
Harley-Davidson motorcycles are known as hogs so maybe that s why a stray fifty-pound
potbellied pig named Chi-Chi fell in love with one.
A woman in Key West, Florida, heard a noise and looked out her window. There she saw the pig
trying to have sex with the front wheel of her husband s Harley. In his lustful frenzy, he scratched the
paint, tore the bike s fabric cover, and, all in all, caused about $100 worth damage.
So Key West animal control officers said Chi-Chi would have to be neutered. But Chi-Chi had his
defenders, including the motorcycle s owner, who pointed out that his crime is an alleged sex act
against a Harley. We don t even know if that s a felony! A developer raised cash for a Spring Chi-
Chi defense fund; and the president of the Monroe County Bar Association was handling the case pro
bono free of charge.
As a final show of goodwill, the owner of a motorcycle dealership was considering giving Chi-Chi
the run of his showroom for a night.
On Hoover Dustettes, Sexually Aggressive
It was all the fault of the vacuum cleaner, the sixty-year-old man claimed at the hospital.
While his wife was at the hospital, he spontaneously decided to vacuum the house in the nude.
All of a sudden, while he was changing the plug of the Hoover Dustette, it turned itself on and
caught his penis tearing it and lacerating it in its frenzy.
Doctors sewed the lacerations with catgut.
On Hoover Dustettes, Sexually Aggressive, Part II
In another case involving a Hoover Dustette, a railway signalman was in his signal box when he bent
over to pick up some tools. He somehow happened to catch his penis in a Hoover Dustette, which
happened to be switched on. Doctors repaired his injured member, also with catgut stitches.
On Hoover Dustettes, Sexually Aggressive (Probable)
In yet another case, a man was vacuuming his friend s house in a loose-fitting gown. He bent over to
turn the machine off, when, all of a sudden, his dressing gown became undone and, according to the
Journal of Urology, suddenly his penis was sucked into the vacuum cleaner. The man sustained
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