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what would have been his face.
I stood, transfixed by the awful corpses of the Turks. I no longer knew what
was inside of me. What was I doing here? What had I become?
I went over to the fallen priest, to help if I could. As I knelt beside him
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his eyes grew cloudy. He exhaled a final breath. The useless wooden staff fell
from his hand.
Too late... I was no hero, only a fool.
Just then, I heard a rustling behind me. I spun to see a third attacker, this
one bare chested and monstrous, the size of two men. Seeing his comrades
slain, he rushed toward me, his sword poised for attack.
In that instant I saw my helplessness. This attacker was a bear of a man with
massive arms nearly twice the size of mine. I could no more hold him off than
I could a tornado. As he charged, I raised my sword, but the Turk's stroke was
so strong it knocked me backward over the dead priest. He charged at me once
more, his eyes focused and fierce. This time, my sword flew out of my hands,
clattering across the church's floor. I lunged after it, but the Turk
intercepted me with a vicious kick, sucking the air out of my belly.
I was going to die....I knew it. There was no way to defeat this horrible
monster. In a last effort, I reached for the priest's wooden staff. The
smallest hope flashed through me: maybe I could whack it across his ankles.
But my attacker merely took a giant step, pinning the staff uselessly under
his sandal. I peered into the bastard's black eyes. I was out of tricks. Above
me, his blade caught the glint of a torch.I was about to die....
What profound images filled my mind as I tensed, waiting for the blade to
fall? It did not occur to me to pray, to ask God for the forgiveness of my
sins. No, God had taken me where I belonged. I bade farewell to my sweet
Sophie. I felt I had shamed myself, to leave her this way. She would never
know how I died, why, or where, or that I was thinking of her at the end.
What did flash through my brain was the incredible irony of it all. Here I
was, dying in front of an altar of Christ, on a holy crusade that I never
really believed in.
I didn't believe.... Yet I was dying for this cause anyway.
As I looked at my murderer, my fear left me. So did my urge to resist. I
peered into the Turk's eyes. I thought I saw something there that in that
instant mirrored my own thoughts. The strangest urge overcame me. I could not
hold it back.
I didn't pray, or close my eyes, or even beg for my life.
Instead ,I began to laugh.
Chapter 19
THE TURK'S SWORD hovered over me. At any second he would strike the final
blow. Yet all I could do was laugh.
At what I was dying for. At the total ridiculousness of it all. At the
preciousfreedom I was about to be granted at last.
I looked into his hooded eyes, and though I knew it was probably my last
breath, I simply could not hold back.I just laughed....
My attacker hesitated, his sword poised above my head. He must've thought he
was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty. He blinked at me, his
brows arched, confused.
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I searched my mind for something to say in his tongue, which Nicodemus had
taught me. Anything at all.
This is your last warning, I said to him. Are you ready to give up?
Then I burst out laughing once again.
The massive Turk, his eyes like fiery coals, loomed over me. I waited for the
death blow. Then I saw his expression relax into the slightest inkling of a
smile.
Choking back the laughter, I stammered, Th-the thing is... I'm not even a
believer.
The giant man hesitated. I didn't know if he would speak or strike. His mouth
curved into a sheepish grin. Nor am I.
His sword still quivered menacingly over my head. I knew any moment could be
my last. I raised myself to my elbows, looked him in the eye, and said, Then,
one nonbeliever to another, you must kill me in the name of what we donot
embrace.
Slowly, almost inexplicably, I saw the hostility on his face fade. To my utter
amazement, the Turk lowered his sword. We're too few as it is, he said. No
reason to make one less.
Was this possible? Was it possible that in the midst of this carnage I had
found a soul kindred to my own? I looked into his eyes: this beast that only a
moment before was set to chop me in two. I saw something there that this whole
bloody night I had not seen: virtue, humor, a human soul... I couldn't believe
it.Please ,God , I finally prayed, don't let this be some kind of cruel trick.
Is this real? You're going to let me go? My fingers slowly relaxed from the
priest's staff.
The Turk took a measuring look at me, then he nodded.
You probably thought you were ridding the world of a complete madman, I said.
The thought occurred. He grinned.
Then my mind fixed on the danger of the moment. You'd better go. Our forces
are all around. You are at risk.
Go... ? The Turk seemed to sigh.Go where ? There was something in his face, no
longer hatred or even amusement. It was more like resignation.
At that moment, loud footsteps burst through the outer door. I heard voices.
Soldiers stormed into the church. They were not wearing crosses but filthy
robes. Tafurs.
Get out of here, I urged the Turk. These men will show you no mercy.
He took a look at his assailants. Then he merely winked at me. He started to
laugh himself, then turned to face their charge.
The Tafurs came upon him with their swords and awful clubs.
No... I screamed. Spare this man. Spare him!
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