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or two rabbits, life in the bestiary must be something of a handful.
14
'I'm on my way.'
17
Minotaur trouble
'
TravelBook:
Standard-issue equipment to all Jurisfiction agents, the dimensionally
ambivalent TravelBook contains information, tips, maps, recipes and extracts
from popular or troublesome novels to enable speedier transbook travel. It
also contains numerous
JurisTech gadgets for more specialised tasks such as an MV mask, TextMarker
and Eject-
O-Hat. The TravelBook's cover is read-locked to each individual operative and
contains as standard an emergency alert and auto-destruct mechanism.'
UA OF W CAT
The Jurisfiction Guide to the Great Library (glossary)
I read myself into the Well and was soon in an elevator, heading up towards
the Library. I had bought a copy of
The Word;
the front page led with: 'Nursery rhyme characters to go on indefinite
strike'. Farther down, the previous night's attack on Heathcliff had been
reported. It added that a terror group calling itself 'The Great Danes' had
also threatened to kill him they wanted Hamlet to win this year's 'Most
Troubled Romantic Lead' BookWorld award and would do anything to achieve this.
I turned to page two and found a large article extolling the virtues of
UltraWord"! with an open letter from Text Grand
Central explaining how nothing would change and all jobs and privileges would
be protected.
The elevator stopped on the first floor; I quickly made my way to
Sense and Sensibility and read myself in. The crowd was still outside the
doors of Norland Park, this time with tents, a brass band and a metal brazier
burning scrap wood. As soon as they saw me a chant went up:
'WE NEED A BREAK, WE NEED A BREAK & '
A tired-looking woman with an inordinate number of children gave me a leaflet.
'Three hundred and twenty-five years I've been doing this job,' she said,
'without even so much as a weekend off!'
'I'm sorry.'
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Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
'We don't want pity,' said Solomon Grundy, who, what with it being a Saturday,
wasn't looking too healthy, 'we want action
. Oral traditionalists should be allowed the same rights as any other
fictioneers.'
'Right,' said a young lad carrying a bucket with his head wrapped in brown
paper, 'no amount of money can compensate the brotherhood for the
inconvenience caused by repetitive retellings. However, we would like to make
the following demands. One: that all nursery rhyme characters are given
immediate leave of absence for a two-week period. Two: that '
'Really,' I interrupted him, 'you're talking to the wrong person. I'm only an
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apprentice. Jurisfiction has no power to dictate policy anyway you need to
speak to the Council of Genres.'
'The Council sent us to talk to TGC, who referred us to the Great Panjandrum,'
said Humpty Dumpty to a chorus of vigorous head-nodding, 'but no one seems to
know if he or she even exists
.'
'If you've never seen him he probably doesn't exist,' said Little Jack Horner.
'Pie, anyone?'
'I've never seen Vincent Price,' I observed, 'but I know exists.'
he
'Who?'
'An actor,' I explained, feeling somewhat foolish. 'Back home.'
Humpty Dumpty narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
'You're talking complete
Lear
, Miss Next.'
'King?'
'No,' he replied, 'Edward.'
'Oh.'
'MONGOOSE!' yelled Humpty, drawing a small revolver and throwing himself to
the ground where, unluckily for him, there just happened to be a muddy puddle.
'You're mistaken,' explained Grundy wearily, 'it's a guide dog. Put the gun
away before you hurt yourself.'
'A guide dog?' repeated Humpty, slowly getting to his feet. 'You're sure?'
'Have you spoken to WordMaster Libris?' I asked. 'We all know exists.'
he
'He won't speak to us,' said Humpty Dumpty, wiping his face with a large
handkerchief. 'The oral tradition is unaffected by the UltraWord"! upgrade so
he doesn't think we're that important. If we don't negotiate a few rights
before the new system comes in, we won't ever get any!'
'Libris won't even speak to you?' I repeated.
'He sends us notes,' squeaked the oldest of three mice, all of whom had no
tails, held a white cane in one hand and a golden retriever in the other. 'He
says that he is very busy but will give "our concerns his fullest attention".'
'What's going on?' squeaked one of the other mice. 'Is that Miss Next?'
'It's a brush-off,' said Grundy. 'Unless we get an answer soon there won't be
a single nursery rhyme anywhere, either spoken read! We're going on a
forty-eight-hour stoppage from midnight. When or parents can't remember the
words to our rhymes, the fur will really fly, I can promise you that!'
'I'm sorry,' I began again, 'I have no authority I can't do anything '
'Then just take this to Agent Libris?'
Humpty Dumpty handed me a list of demands, neatly written on a page of
foolscap paper. The crowd grew suddenly silent. A sea of eyes, all blinking
expectantly, were directed at me.
'I promise nothing
,' I said, taking the piece of paper, 'but if I see Libris, I will give this
to him okay?'
'Thank you very much,' said Humpty. 'At last someone from Jurisfiction will
listen!'
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Jasper Fforde - Thursday Next 03 - The Well of Lost Plots
I turned away and overheard Humpty say to Grundy: 'Well, I thought that went
pretty well, didn't you?'
I walked briskly up the front steps of Norland Park, where I was admitted by
the same frog-like footman I
had seen on my first visit. I crossed the hall and entered the ballroom. Miss
Havisham was at her desk with Akrid Snell, who was talking into the
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footnoterphone. Standing next to them was Bradshaw, who had not retired as
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